Stop admiring other people’s green grass & beautiful gardens and start working on your own!
You’ve all heard the expression ‘the grass is greener on the other side’ right? Well I want to elaborate on this since it’s something I’ve recently been thinking about. We all have a tendency to look other people’s ‘green grass’, this can be their house, their career, how their children are so well behaved/good tarbiyah, anything really …. How her cooking is so good, her cakes are so beautiful, how she is so organised etc. Someone’s child may have memorised more Quran, someone may have a better relationship with their spouse/family, someone may have a loving extended family… So you get the gist of it, let’s call those things ‘green grass’.
We see great things in other people’s lives and we marvel at the achievements that they have. Prevalent use of social media means we can see the life of our friends, family and associates a lot more and passively compare it to our own. Sometimes this can lead to feelings of inadequacy, loneliness or hopelessness. For example, someone doesn’t have a good relationship with their spouse, seeing photos of happy couples in their newsfeed on a day to day basis can lead to feeling quite dejected.
So what do you do? You focus your efforts on your own grass and on your own garden. Your ‘garden’ (circumstances, environment, life) may never be exactly the same as another’s, it may not be as spacious or blooming with flowers, but you can make it beautiful. Work on what you have and concentrate more on the things you can do rather than what you can’t do. Focus on your what you have, sure your husband might not be a funny guy or maybe he doesn’t take you out as much but does he care for you, does he do his bit in his own way? Do you have a few special friends/family in your life that care for you?
If you concentrate your efforts on working on your garden rather than constantly putting it down, you will see that things can be better. You will see that those negative feeling will not even come to mind, since your so busy beautifying your own garden and working on making your grass greener.
We can’t always have what others have and perhaps we will never get the same as them, but look at your life and be grateful for what Allah سبحانه و تعالى has blessed you with. Work with what you have, accept it, stop feeling bitter towards it, embrace it and make it beautiful yourself. Remember you can’t have a beautiful garden without working on it, the weeds need pulling out, the grass needs cutting, the plants need watering; the same applies to life you need to make it what you want it to be by having a proactive mindset. All beautiful things take time and lots of hard work.
Life is what you make it, reach out to people who help you grow, improve yourself and talk about positive things. The things you talk about become your thoughts and your thoughts are your way of thinking. It’s so important to talk about positive, uplifting and constructive things. Stop dwelling on what other people are doing and consuming your energies that can be used on more productive things. I personally try to always have a project on the go, whether it is housework related, an activity with the kids or a book I want to read, I try to always keep myself busy with bettering myself, my environment, my children and my family. I believe it’s so important to constantly have goals, (however small) to work towards, to keep yourself occupied and to keep learning and growing.
Never put yourself, your children or life down, never say negative things about your life. Never feel that it’s too late or that you want to give up on something.
Each person who’s life you may feel is perfect will have some issue or another, albeit different to yours. No ones life is completely perfect, but the the best life is the one in which we learn to focus on the good things and disregard the bad ones. Try to focus more on the positive things, learn to laugh at yourself, don’t take anything too seriously honestly it all works out perfectly in the end.
Tell yourself, Yes the grass is green next door, but I’m too busy working on my own to stand and admire theirs.
Keep me in your duas,
Your sister Nadia